05 May 2011

Metamorphosis

While, as I’ve stated before, I am sympathetic to the complaint and concerns of the men’s rights movement, I have now come to the conclusion that this a movement with which I do not wish to be associated.  I have already given some reasons as to why, but I think sharing a little about myself, and how my thinking has shifted over the last couple of years, will help to better explain why I no longer want any part with the MRM.

When I was in high school, I had a very beta view of women.  I had success with the ladies in spite this, mostly because I was tall (6’2”), smart, funny, and had a great smile.  It also helped that I was quite introverted, which gave the appearance of being aloof, even though I was actually scared and nervous.  As such, I had a tendency to ignore pretty much every girl in school, which which eventually led to having a couple of orbiters.

Senior year was a turning point for me because I managed to overcome my introversion, at least to a limited extent.  I dated two girls senior.  Neither relationship lasted longer than seven weeks, mostly because I was still terribly beta and had a strong tendency to pedastalize women.   Since I was from a very religious and conservative family, my approach to dating was predicated on a desire for marriage.  I wouldn’t date a girl unless I thought she was wife material.  By the end of senior year, it became quite obvious that I wasn’t destined for marriage, or so I thought.

The summer between high school and college was spent working, mostly on the road, and I did not have much time for dating.  Also, I didn’t have much patience for dating, come to think of it.

That fall, I entered college, still stuck in my very conservative, very beta ways.  And then I took PoliSci.  My professor introduced me to Vox’s blog, and from there I discovered a wide variety of other blogs, not the least of which was Roissy in DC (now Citizen Renegade).  By the time I first discovered Game, I had been on campus for nearly a year, and had not dated a girl for over eighteen months.

That quickly changed, for I wanted to field-test Game to see if it was for real.  As such, I ended up dating nine different girls over the course of eleven months.  My relationships, at this point in time, were much better than what I had experienced before.  I was happy, I was in control, and I felt confident.  Then I discovered the Men’s Rights Movement.

Since I was from a very religious and conservative family, it was ingrained into me from a very young age that sex was reserved for marriage and anything outside of that was wrong.  I took these words to heart, and thus abstained from sex in all my relationships.  As I read more about the abuses men suffered at the hands of the legal system, particularly divorce courts, I strengthened my resolve to avoid marriage.  I then concluded that since I wasn’t going to get married, and that it was immoral to commit fornication, it would be best to forego dating altogether.  Of course, I still used Game as a social tool.

Then one day, as I was reading yet another sob story by an MRA, I realized that most of the problems faced by MRAs were, to some extent, their own fault.  By this I simply mean that no one had forced these men to marry gold-diggers or act like supplicating betas around their wives.  Did these men deserve to be financially raped?  No.  Did these men deserve to be asset-stripped and forcibly prevented from seeing their children?  No.  But they did bear some of the blame for what eventually happened to them, especially since they were not forced into marriage.

What I realized, then, is that I could learn from the mistakes these men made.  With the right precautions, I could likely avoid the problems these men faced.  I simply need to look out for “gold-diggers” or other women who shows signs of lacking character, and I simply need to learn enough Game to be the proper leader of the family.

As I came to this realization (many thanks due to Athol Kay) I also came to the realization that I no longer wanted or needed to be a part of the irrational hatred and vitriol the MRM directs toward women.  (Quite simply, women are not the problem; feminists are.)  Men’s Rights activists have done a good job of exposing how the deck is stacked against men, but they are a largely negative lot which I simply cannot stand them anymore.  I am not a fatalist and thus have no patience for anyone who tells me that there is nothing within my control.  I simply prefer to take charge, even if that means taking on a lot of risk.  I may not be able to control everything, but I can control me.

At this point in time, then, I have decided that I want to pursue marriage.  I know there are risks involved, and I know there are ways to mitigate said risks.  I am tired of the fatalism that has become pervasive in parts of the man-o-sphere, and I want nothing to do with it.  I’d simply rather take charge of my own life.

5 comments:

  1. Thanks for the link love, much appreciated.

    I think my biggest complaint with the MRM is that they seem to have no plan other than to watch western civilization collapse and then magically somehow men will ascend and control women and all will be well again.

    Plus they can't decide if married men are the enemy or victims. It's a hopeless position to work for change from.

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  2. I came to a similar realization a few weeks ago. After reading the manosphere for a while I started thinking about the men and women in my life that went through ugly divorces and found that their endings were fairly predictable considering the spouses they chose. One guy went the gold digger route - which was painfully obvious considering the woman REQUIRED a 3 carat diamond engagement ring before she would consider saying yes. Another guy married a woman 20 years his junior that he met over the phone - he was an Exec in CA and she an Admin in NY. They started flirting on the phone and the first weekend they met they spent it in a hotel room. He adored her (put her up on a pedestal) and she ended up cheating on him after he lost his high status job and got into his 60s. She got half of everything. All sad - but not at all surprising.

    I had a few serious relationships prior to meeting my husband and what I learned from all of my relationships is that you don't REALLY know anyone until you've known them for a year. If you are not ignoring red flags and you still like them and find them interesting after a year then you've probably found yourself a good match.

    I highly recommend marriage. I've been with my husband for 17 years (married 11 of those) and although there have a been a few rough spots overall it's been wonderful having him in my life. I'm a better woman because of him and I wouldn't change a thing.

    Congrats on recognizing that you can help prevent an ugly end to a marriage by choosing the right kind of woman :-)

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  3. Good for you. Arm yourself against their mistakes. What they want, ultimately, is to let the enemy win.

    Their reaction to the depredations of feminists is exactly the same as many big cities' reaction to the depredations of street criminals. And we've seen how well that worked out for the cities.

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  4. Pretty fascinating revelation, that they chose their futures. MRM activists frequently tear into women who act like floozies and end up waking up next to a guy they don't know and call it rape, but don't do the same for men who marry horrible women and wake up years later with nothing. Men's mistakes just seem to play out later than the next morning.

    Sorry for the late comment; thanks for your post.

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  5. @Athol Kay- I'm not content to wait for a collapse. It won't be a pleasant time, for one. And I'm not entirely sure that women will be running into the open arms of beta males, either.

    @Mrs. Rogers- Thanks for your vote of confidence. I don't why it took me so long to realize it, but MRAs deserve some of the blame for what happened to them. I don't say this to denigrate them or downplay the injustices they've suffered, but they made some bad/ignorant decisions, and these decisions had consequences. I hope that I can avoid the mistakes they made.

    @Matt- And their reactions have hurt plenty of innocent people caught in the crossfire.

    @andon- Again, not to detract from the abuses that men have suffered at the hands of the legal system, men are also quite capable of making bad and short-sighted decisions. This doesn't necessarily mean they should be asset-stripped, but it is ludicrous to think that there would be no negative consequences at all.

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