25 February 2012

No Kidding

In what will undoubtedly be a shock to a lot of people, thinner wives make for happier marriages:
Marriages are happier when wives are thinner than their husbands, according to a new study. Researchers at the University of Tennessee studied the BMI (body mass index, a common measure of obesity) of nearly 170 newlywed couples, along with their marital satisfaction over time.
Andrea Meltzer, the lead author and a doctoral candidate at UT, told Discovery News that "We found this effect initially on husbands' satisfaction at the beginning of marriage... husbands were more satisfied at the time of marriage to the extent that their wives had a lower BMI than themselves."
The fact that men tend to be happier with a thinner wife may not be surprising, but Meltzer and her colleagues also found that women who had a lower BMI than their husbands were significantly more satisfied with their marriage over time. Thinner wives make both spouses happier.
Obviously, men are going to be happy coming to home to an attractive wife.  And wives are going to be happy if they’re attractive, mostly because it means that they’re married to an alpha.

Now, it is axiomatic that happy marriages are the most likely to succeed.  Also, it is axiomatic that marriage is the bedrock of society. Therefore, attractive women are good for society.

So, ladies, that means it’s time for you to get in shape.  While you’re at it, feel free to wear makeup, wear feminine clothes, and grow out your hair.  The health of our society depends on it.


  1. Or it could be that because the marriage is happy, the women eat less and spend less time in front of the TV.

    Chicken-Egg. The two being present does not mean one causes the other.

  2. @Prof. Hale- It seems most likely that this becomes a self-reinforcing feedback loop. Fundamental causality may be impossible to determine, but relative causality would suggest that attractive wives cause marital happiness (this seems especially likely seeing as how most women's happiness is contingent largely on their looks, which they confirm by their social status). At any rate, this world would be a much better place if more women were more attractive.

  3. I must agree that it would make me happy.

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  5. I agree with Hale; I know of more happy marriages with over-weight spouses than not. The main thing is to be healthy for the most part and not MORBIDLY obese; gives you more energy, better-looking skin, and automatically a higher morale.

  6. "I know of more happy marriages with over-weight spouses than not."

    Irrelevant. The assertion is relative, not absolute. The claim is that marriages are happier when the wife is relatively thinner than the husband.

    Furthermore, given how widespread obesity and being overweight has become in the US, it should be probable that there are overweight couples that have happy marriages. Note that happiness is absolute in this sense (and binary, at that). As such, it should be the case that you know of more happily married overweight couples than normal weight married couples given the prevalence of obesity/overweightness(?) as well as the presumably normal distribution of happiness in society. Stated another way, the probable reason for why you know more happily married overweight couple is because you know more overweight couples.

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