10 July 2012

Halfway Good Dating Advice From Women

It’s almost like Heartiste himself wrote this:
Q: OK, that man you gave your contact info to — whether online or at a party, or another place entirely — has just met you for your first official date. What’s the first thing you notice?
Moira: How mature or immature he is. One guy I met didn’t even know how to go out on a date — as in, how to ask me out, or what to say during the date. He wasn’t an initiator, and he seemed very young in that regard — he reminded me of my little brother
Jessie: A little cockiness helps. If a guy talks too much out of nervousness or if his voice cracks, that’s a turn-off. C’mon, it’s just a date
Kelsey: It’s important for a man to treat people well. If he’s really disrespectful, that’s a turn-off. I once dated a guy who was impatient in restaurants and actually snapped his fingers to get service. [NB: according to the author of the post, this women is 32.  Make of that what you will.]
Helen: How confident he is. That really comes through
Q: What do you mean by “confident,” ladies
Rachel: Confidence means someone who’s OK with himself entirely — his looks, his personality, and his background. If you’re confident, you’re talkative, and women like a man who can be a smooth talker. A date either has to be relaxed and confident, or he has to be good at faking it
Q: Does that have anything to do with what he does for a living
Kelsey: No. Don’t ever name-drop where you work to impress a woman. Don’t just throw stuff out; wait until she asks you first. That stuff doesn’t matter as much as men think it does when it comes to making date-night conversation.
To sum up their advice, I would say be confident (i.e. run tight outer game), be secure (i.e. have tight inner game), and be reserved (i.e. don’t worry about impressing a girl, aka “being aloof”).  And remember: it’s a date; don’t overthink it and don’t let nerves get the best of you.

* Note: the rest of the article is mostly worthless, as it mostly a hamsterfest of women explaining how they want men to pay for everything and how they want to a relationship to be ended.  The last paragraph is useful for understanding how women communicate, though, and is worth reading.


  1. I saw the same thing. I remember thinking, "hey, this doesn't suck like most dating advice".

    Though thw advice to be confident is pointless. You cannot be something you are not just because they want it. They might also just tell you to be tall, rich, and handsome as well.

    Heartiste is a dude? Who knew?

  2. @Prof. Hale- I think the confidence thing is just one way of saying "be confident in how you are." no man is perfect, so part of being a confident man is accepting your own unchangeable imperfections." For example, if you're going bald, it's better to accept that fact than to let yourself be insecure about it. Now, this doesn't mean you should never try to change the undesirable aspects of your character (like, say, an over reliance on sarcasm, or the fact that you're overweight). Just don't be insecure about them. Even if you know you need to make changes, you can still be confident about them.

  3. I think confidence isn't about being someone who is cocky and full of himself, rather someone who is mature and secure with his situation. I think women are drawn to the vibe that comes off a guy when he is in a good place in his life ie. good job, good health, good values. Thanks for the advice!

  4. @2ofUs- Although, it should be pointed out that cockiness can be the humorous presentation of confidence (though it is not an effective substitute).

  5. Jane Oxley-Farringdon15 August, 2012 16:14

    @Simon Grey- What do you say to guys whose nerves or lack of confidence manifests itself as arrogance? Do you think that's visible? There could be some cracking guys out there losing out because they're too keen to impress their dream girl. It's easy to construct a character online, but when it comes to real life; how are we supposed to tell which guys are cocky and which are trying to make up for something?

  6. @Jane- I would say, generally, that the visibility of false bravado is self-evident. I have no idea how to which guys are cocky and which are trying to make up for something. I figure if you can' tell, then it probably doesn't matter.