Having been busy with starting up my own business over the
last week and a half, I’ve been out of the loop when it comes to current
events. When I saw this story, though, I
can’t say that I regret my ignorance. It
seems that the owner/president/whatever of Chik-Fil-A said something to the
effect that “one man, one woman, for life is what God intends for marriage.” Chik-Fil-A dude’s statement pissed off the
gays, and the gays getting pissed off pissed off religious conservatives. I guess this prompted conservatives to organize
a day to go out and buy a ton of food at Chik-Fil-A. The gays then decided to organize some stupid
stuff as well, which I found out first-hand when I went to Chik-Fil-A’s on
Friday.
I was meeting up with some friends and was in the process of
finishing up my meal when some brave queer walked in the door dressed in queer
pride clothing (basically, rainbow socks, short shorts, and some gay pride
shirt and Mork suspenders), sporting a look of proud defiance on his face, as
if he was about to be accosted for entering a restaurant and drinking from the
straights-only water fountain. This
modern MLK Jr. was accompanied by two women who I assumed were lesbian because
they were so ugly and mannish.* They
were basically in love with his bravery, and he could have had a ménage a trois with them had he been
interested. After enduring numerous
epithets and threats of violence, he nobly took his seat and ate his meal with
dignity. Just kidding, the staff took
his order while everyone ignored him,
and he ate his meal free from harassment.
As he was leaving, he classily shouted “Gay Pride!” and went on his
merry way.
Anyhow, this whole Chik-Fil-a brouhaha with religious
conservatives and gays got me thinking. My
main thought was, “both sides are incredibly stupid.”
Conservatives: Gay marriage is not ruining this
country. This country is already
ruined. Gay marriage is simply a symptom
of the underlying pathology. The social
fabric of the county is already in tatters, and hating gays isn’t going to fix
that particular problem.
Furthermore, gay marriage isn’t even ruining marriage. Feminism, coupled with no-fault divorce and a
misandrist family court system have done more damage to the social institution
of marriage than Adam and Steve ever could.
Finally, note that the legal
institution of marriage is not the same as the religious institution of marriage.
The government can use as much ink on as many sheets of paper as it so
desires, yet God will never be bound to recognize that Adam and Steve are husband
and husband. God is not bound by the
laws of man; quit acting like he is.
On a side note, the religious institution of marriage has
been radically undermined by its main nominal proponents (religious
conservatives) by decades of false teaching, most notably the teaching that
conflates moral laws with legal laws.
There has also been quite an absence of proper teaching on theology of
marriage, on the theology of divorce (hint: God hates it, Mal. 2:14-17), and the role
of husband and wife (leader and helpmeet).
This has done more to undermine marriage than to two lesbians kissing in
front of a fast food joint.
Gays: The majority of the people that hate you do
not hate you because you are gay. They
hate you because you are assholes. Most
straight couples have the common courtesy to not kiss in public, or make
awkward public displays of affection.
This is because most straight people are well-adjusted, and not delusionally
narcissistic.
Get over your martyr complex. Your inability to not get a couple of extra
tax deductions (and the attendant risk for alimony, should things go south) is
not comparable to blacks being deprived of their natural rights. And seeing as how you don’t have a couple
hundred years’ worth of slavery in your history, the comparison is even more
ludicrous.
Also, the constant need to publicly remind everyone of your
homosexuality is annoying, just as it would be if straights went around reminding
everyone of their heterosexuality.
Constantly reminding everyone that you’re here and you’re queer is
getting old. Right now, it just sounds a
little try-hard, like you have an inferiority complex, and so you constantly have
to have validation from other people.
Furthermore, if you really want to force the issue of the
gay lifestyle with conservatives, you would do well to remember that they love
guns. It’s also good to remember that
people find it easy to rationalize killing assholes who cross them. Don’t tempt fate is what I’m saying.
When I stop and think about it, this whole issue is nothing
more than a pissing contest between two incredibly annoying groups: ignorant So-Cons and annoying queers. One group is too narrow-minded to see the
actual problem, and the other group just completely lacks perspective. It’s a match made in heaven.
* When I worked at Wendy’s back in high school, I had the
dubious privilege of working with an actual, out-of-the-closet lesbian. She was fugly as all get-out, and was taller and
heavier than me (I was 6’ and 185 at the time), and had a deeper voice than me,
though I think that was because she was a smoker. The other lesbians I’ve met over the years
have also been ugly, though not as Hagrid-esque as my former coworker. The idea of a beautiful lesbian couple is
mostly a porn fantasy encouraged by pop culture and manipulative girls. Most true lesbians are ugly. I suspect that’s because ugly chicks know
they can’t pull men, so they instead settle for fellow she-beasts.
