06 December 2012

What Can Female Hair Length Tell Us?

This thought has been percolating in the back of my mind for quite some time, particularly as I’ve spent some thinking about some of the married couples I know in real life. One general trend I’ve noticed is that women who are married to honest-to-goodness alphas* tend to have long hair while those who are married to betas tend to have short hair. In my own experience, this isn’t a perfect correlation (I can think of maybe two exceptions out of maybe twenty-five couples), but it is a generally useful rule of thumb.

I’ve also noticed that married women with longer hair tend to be happier and more pleasant to be around. I also remember from my high school and college days that girls with short (or, worse yet, butch) haircuts tended to be extremely miserable to be around. I’m not entirely sure why this is the case, but I have a couple of theories.

First, it may be that this is mere correlation, or possibly an anomaly. My sample size is extremely limited, and I haven’t read anyone else discuss this subject, so I have no idea if my personal experience is indicative of a common phenomenon, or if it is more than simple correlation.

Second, it may be the case happily married women behave more femininely because their husbands act like men and sniveling, groveling losers, and are thus able and willing to embrace their womanliness via letting their hair grow long. That, or they instinctively know that one way to keep their alpha husbands interested is to look like actual women, which is greatly aided by having long hair.

Conversely, it may be the case that unhappily married women cut their hair in an attempt to project their lack of attraction. When I worked at Wendy’s, I had a boss whose marriage was a complete hell. He was a total beta, and was so afraid of his wife and her temper that he became suicidal on a couple of occasions,** and often talked about getting divorced. The only reason he didn’t pull the trigger on that was because of his daughter, in that he wanted to spare her the pain of watching her parents go through a divorce. Anyhow, I did happen to meet his wife on one occasion, when she came to the store to see him. At first, I thought she was a dyke. She was fat, ugly, and her hair was shorter than mine. When she talked to her husband, it was obvious that she had nothing but contempt for him. I wondered if her appearance was an attempt to get him to reciprocate that contempt, which would thus discourage him from initiating sex. After all, it’s hard to have sex when you can’t get hard. So maybe cutting one’s hair is a woman’s mechanism of discouraging sex with a guy to whom she’s not attracted.

Third, it may be the case that this is symbiotic attraction. Since desirable women tend to marry attractive men, it should make sense that women who marry alphas tend to be more pleasantly feminine. It also seems likely that alphas enable their wives to feel secure in their own femininity. (One thing I have noticed is that women married to betas generally have to act like alpha males because their husbands can’t lead. It’s as if a marriage relationship is designed to have someone be the default leader while the other submits to that leader.) So maybe it’s just a self-reinforcing feedback loop.

Anyhow, feel free to confirm or disprove my assertion that longer hair equals relationship satisfaction with regards to women. And feel free to theorize why this may or may not be the case.

* Which can also be read as “women who are happily married.”

** I remember one time when I was working the weekend shift with him when—shortly after I arrived for my shift—he pulled me aside and told me that he just wanted to go outside, put a gun in his mouth, and pull the trigger. So far as I know, he’s never actually done that.

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