27 February 2013

The Last Breaths of a Dying Hamster


The poor hamsters are just about to die from exhaustion:

Santa Marino professor of sociology Maxine Wielding believes that society has taught men that only young and skinny women are attractive.  This discourages them from mingling with women in their 30s and 40s.  “Men have been trained not to recognize the beauty that more mature women offer,” she said.  “Take Jennifer Aniston who remains a beautiful woman inside and out.”

Yeah, it’s not society that teaches men that young and skinny women are attractive.  It’s called biology, and the lessons start shortly after birth.

Also, citing Jennifer Aniston as a beautiful older woman is dumb because most women on dating sites for cougars aren’t as hot as Jennifer Aniston.  For crying out loud, most women in general are not as hot as Jennifer Aniston.

If you talk to most local women, however, you find that most are at their best.  “I am way hotter than I was when I was 25 because I am so much more confident,” said Jenn Beckerman, 36.  “I'm in better shape than when I was 21 because I do yoga everyday,” said Fawn Calloway, 42.

Here’s the thing:  confidence is not actual as helpful to childbirth as, say, youth and health, which is why men are more likely to find youth and markers of health (like thinness) to be more attractive than confidence.  Of course, “confidence” really means “treating people like shit,” which women find attractive in men, but men don’t find attractive in women, unless they have some freaky fetishes.

Of course, yoga (and the attendant pants) may actually help a woman be hotter at 42 than at 21, but only if the woman was fatter and just didn’t care about herself when she was younger.  This could be true in this one instance, but most women who tell themselves this are lying.

Wielding hopes that Match.com and other dating websites will begin using their profits to educate men that older women can be beautiful, too.  “Men need a guiding hand so that they can see that all of these wonderful women in their 30s and 40s have life experience as well as beauty,” she said.  One solution that Wielding supports: federal legislation to require matching-making websites to devote a percentage of revenues to dating education for male participants.  “The internet gives us a rich and cost-effective palette to reach the minds of single men,” she said.

Let me translate this: “Men need a guiding hand lobotomy and/or brain-washing so that they can see that all of these wonderful old, carousel-riding women in their 30s and 40s have (lots and lots of) life sexual experience as well as beauty plastic surgery.”  That’s better.

My favorite part, though, is the assertion that the federal government needs to pay for reeducation camps to brainwash men into popping a boner for this instead of this. The federal government is powerful, but it’s not that powerful.