Often, people will say that a husband should only be respected if he “earns” it. This attitude is precisely the problem. A wife ought to respect her husband because he is her husband, just as he ought to love and honor her because she is his wife. Your husband might “deserve” it when you mock him, berate him, belittle him, and nag him, but you don’t marry someone in order to give them what they deserve. In marriage, you give them what you’ve promised them, even when they aren’t holding up their end of the bargain.
This doesn’t mean that a man has a license to be lazy, or abusive, or uncaring. He is challenged to live up to the respect his wife affords him. If his wife parcels out her respect on some sort of reward system basis, the husband has nothing for which to strive. As the respect diminishes, so too does his motivation to behave respectably. Respect is wielded like a ransom against him, and he grows more isolated and distant all the while. [Emphasis added.]
While it is true that marriage is a sacred covenant used to illustrate divine truths about the greatest gift—Love—the practical application of marriage in day-to-day life is much more akin to contract law. This is not to say that there need not be any attempt to elevate marriage to something more sacred and spiritually meaningful, but it is a little foolish to ignore the contractual side of marriage when discussing how to deal with the problems that inevitably arise.
Marriage, as it has been traditionally understood, is fundamentally a covenant (or contract, if you will) between a man and a woman. Both parties promise certain things to the other in mutual exchange. The woman promises submission in exchange for the man’s leadership. They promise sexual exclusivity to each other. The man promises to take provide for the woman in exchange for her trust. The woman promises respect in exchange for his love. And so on.
Consequently, a failure to hold up one’s end of the bargain is generally considered a breach of contract, and thus nullifies the contract. A man who refuses to remain sexually exclusive or lead as he ought is in breach of contract, as would be a woman who is disrespectful or sexually unfaithful. From a contractual perspective, any breach of contract renders the contract null and void, and open to arbitration or dissolution.
This is not said to justify female disrespect, or male philandering, or any other sort marital mischievousness , but rather to point out that a contract that is adhered to by only one party is not a contract. It is simply a license for abuse.
The growth of this marital abuse is quite troubling, and suggests that there are greater issues at hand. Indeed, two greater underlying problems spring readily to mind. Namely, that most men don’t merit respect from their wives, and that women are marrying men they don’t respect.
The pussification of American males in recent decades is well-documented. The causes, though wide-ranging, are fairly straightforward, and need not be repeated ad nauseum at this esteemed blog. However, it is truly puzzling why women are marrying and continuing to marry men they do not respect.
It truly is puzzling why women are encouraged to disrespect men and then marry them, even though their disrespect precludes a foundation for a healthy marriage. I blame the church for this, as feminism usually encourages women to either ignore men altogether or simply abuse them for personal gain. It is generally not the case that feminists lambast men for being pieces of shit which women should be eager to marry. No, this particularly vapid advice is administered by pastors.
Many pastors, particularly those of a progressive sort (which is to say nearly all) set before themselves the impossible task of reconciling feminist theology, which is but a modern form of goddess worship, with traditional Christian family hierarchy. Consequently, most pastors preach that women are superior to men, but most also enter in to marriage with them. Since most women, particularly the religious kind, wish to get married, this appeal to marriage is partly capitulation. However, reality always wins in the end, and so women who marry the men who place them on pedestals find themselves incapable of respecting such egregiously poor examples of masculinity. Their preacher tells them that marriage is noble, though husbands are not, and so women, contra their nature, are morally bullied into marrying down, which drives against the core of their God-given nature.
So, we end up with pastors who do a great disservice to men and women alike. They tell the men to man up and marry sluts. They tell the women to marry down. They make men and women alike miserable with their commands. In short, these pastors have done more for the cause of Satan and his misanthropic minions than his declared allies, the feminists, could have ever dreamed of doing.
These pastors take God’s most sacred human relationship and make it into a shadow of what it once was. They make love a grotesque burden, something shameful and ignoble. They berate the male desire for respect, and supplant the female desire to serve a superior man with fantastic lies, and render each miserable in the other’s arms.
May these pastors rot in hell.