When an American man says that American women aren’t worth marrying, what does it mean? Dr. Helen, at A Voice for Men, lists some salient reasons:
2. You’ll lose out on sex. Married men have more sex than single men, on average – but much less than men who are cohabiting with their partners outside of marriage, especially as time goes on. Research even suggests that married women are more likely to gain weight than women who are cohabiting without marriage. A Men’s Health article mentioned one study that followed 2,737 people for six years and found that cohabiters said they were happier and more confident than married couples and singles.
3. You’ll lose friends. “Those wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine.” That’s an old song, but it’s true. When married, men’s ties with friends from school and work tend to fade. Although both men and women lose friends after marriage, it tends to affect men’s self-esteem more, perhaps because men tend to be less social in general.
4. You’ll lose space. We hear a lot about men retreating to their “man caves,” but why do they retreat? Because they’ve lost the battle for the rest of the house. The Art of Manliness blog mourns “The Decline of Male Space,” and notes that the development of suburban lifestyles, intended to bring the family together, resulted in the elimination of male spaces in the main part of the house, and the exile of men to attics, garages, basements – the least desirable part of the home. As a commenter to the post observes: “There was no sadder scene to a movie than in ‘Juno’ when married guy Jason Bateman realized that in his entire huge, house, he had only a large closet to keep all the stuff he loved in. That hit me like a punch in the face.”
8. Single life is better than ever. While the value of marriage to men has declined, the quality of single life has improved. Single men were once looked on with suspicion, passed over for promotion for important jobs, which usually valued “stable family men,” and often subjected to social opprobrium. It was hard to have a love life that wasn’t aimed at marriage, and premarital sex was risky and frowned upon. Now, no one looks askance at the single lifestyle, dating is easy, and employers probably prefer employees with no conflicting family responsibilities. Plus, video games, cable TV, and the Internet provide entertainment that didn’t used to be available. Is this good for society? Probably not, as falling birth rates and increasing single-motherhood demonstrate. But people respond to incentives. If you want more men to marry, it needs to be a more attractive proposition.
Assuming that the above list is actually representative, a healthy chunk of the reasons why men don’t want to get married is pretty hedonistic. In essence, it’s like overpaying for a bad hooker.
The single lifestyle is cheaper, the sex is more frequent (and the partner is hotter). Worse still, your new live-in hooker will take all your house space, and demand more time, taking you away from your friends.
It seems to me that the complaints about marriage stem from some frankly ridiculous assumptions about the nature of the beast. In fact, it seems as if the complaints men have about marriage are based on the assumption that the point of marriage is lots of sex with an eternally hot live-in maid. And women are the demanding ones…
Gay marriage didn’t kill marriage—if anything it was a nail in the coffin. No, marriage died when men viewed it as an economic pact for the satiation of hedonic desire.
Within this lens, marriage just isn’t worth it for any man, especially in lieu of how cheap hookers are and how ubiquitous internet porn has become. The issue, though, doesn’t lie with the institution of marriage but with the participants.
Men and women alike are less inclined than ever before to view marriage as a holy, sacred union between a man and a woman, united together in God to fulfill their primary purpose of producing Godly offspring, raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. As such, marriage is now viewed as simply a contract for commencing carnal copulation instead of a covenant for creating Christian children. Consequently, there really is no logical reason to oppose homosexual unions, easy divorce, polygamy, incest, or any other possible configuration of consenting adults. Even the Muslims have figured out that this line of thinking justifies legalizing prostitution as well.
Thus, the lamentations for declining marriage rates, and the repeated proclamations that marriage just isn’t worth it is really a complaint that marriage has been utterly debased. What was once viewed as the primal spiritual covenant is now viewed as an economic contract.
A spiritual journey is a noble cause, worthy of lifelong commitment; a contract is only worth the effort if it is profitable. A Man may fight and die for love, but he will not inconvenience himself for hedonism.