22 December 2015

Love and Hedonism

When an American man says that American women aren’t worth marrying, what does it mean?  Dr. Helen, at A Voice for Men, lists some salient reasons:
2. You’ll lose out on sex. Married men have more sex than single men, on average – but much less than men who are cohabiting with their partners outside of marriage, especially as time goes on. Research even suggests that married women are more likely to gain weight than women who are cohabiting without marriage. A Men’s Health article mentioned one study that followed 2,737 people for six years and found that cohabiters said they were happier and more confident than married couples and singles. 
3. You’ll lose friends. “Those wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine.” That’s an old song, but it’s true. When married, men’s ties with friends from school and work tend to fade. Although both men and women lose friends after marriage, it tends to affect men’s self-esteem more, perhaps because men tend to be less social in general. 
4. You’ll lose space. We hear a lot about men retreating to their “man caves,” but why do they retreat? Because they’ve lost the battle for the rest of the house. The Art of Manliness blog mourns “The Decline of Male Space,” and notes that the development of suburban lifestyles, intended to bring the family together, resulted in the elimination of male spaces in the main part of the house, and the exile of men to attics, garages, basements – the least desirable part of the home. As a commenter to the post observes: “There was no sadder scene to a movie than in ‘Juno’ when married guy Jason Bateman realized that in his entire huge, house, he had only a large closet to keep all the stuff he loved in. That hit me like a punch in the face.” 
… 
8. Single life is better than ever. While the value of marriage to men has declined, the quality of single life has improved. Single men were once looked on with suspicion, passed over for promotion for important jobs, which usually valued “stable family men,” and often subjected to social opprobrium. It was hard to have a love life that wasn’t aimed at marriage, and premarital sex was risky and frowned upon. Now, no one looks askance at the single lifestyle, dating is easy, and employers probably prefer employees with no conflicting family responsibilities. Plus, video games, cable TV, and the Internet provide entertainment that didn’t used to be available. Is this good for society? Probably not, as falling birth rates and increasing single-motherhood demonstrate. But people respond to incentives. If you want more men to marry, it needs to be a more attractive proposition.
Assuming that the above list is actually representative, a healthy chunk of the reasons why men don’t want to get married is pretty hedonistic.  In essence, it’s like overpaying for a bad hooker.
The single lifestyle is cheaper, the sex is more frequent (and the partner is hotter).  Worse still, your new live-in hooker will take all your house space, and demand more time, taking you away from your friends.

It seems to me that the complaints about marriage stem from some frankly ridiculous assumptions about the nature of the beast.  In fact, it seems as if the complaints men have about marriage are based on the assumption that the point of marriage is lots of sex with an eternally hot live-in maid.  And women are the demanding ones…

Gay marriage didn’t kill marriage—if anything it was a nail in the coffin.  No, marriage died when men viewed it as an economic pact for the satiation of hedonic desire.

Within this lens, marriage just isn’t worth it for any man, especially in lieu of how cheap hookers are and how ubiquitous internet porn has become.  The issue, though, doesn’t lie with the institution of marriage but with the participants.

Men and women alike are less inclined than ever before to view marriage as a holy, sacred union between a man and a woman, united together in God to fulfill their primary purpose of producing Godly offspring, raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  As such, marriage is now viewed as simply a contract for commencing carnal copulation instead of a covenant for creating Christian children.  Consequently, there really is no logical reason to oppose homosexual unions, easy divorce, polygamy, incest, or any other possible configuration of consenting adults.  Even the Muslims have figured out that this line of thinking justifies legalizing prostitution as well.

Thus, the lamentations for declining marriage rates, and the repeated proclamations that marriage just isn’t worth it is really a complaint that marriage has been utterly debased.  What was once viewed as the primal spiritual covenant is now viewed as an economic contract.


A spiritual journey is a noble cause, worthy of lifelong commitment; a contract is only worth the effort if it is profitable.  A Man may fight and die for love, but he will not inconvenience himself for hedonism.

11 comments:

  1. You do not need marriage for the spiritual journey and you know that.

    Marriage as it is now interferes with the spiritual journey far more than the single life.

    A man can only serve one master, and in marriage he is legally a slave to his wife.

    You know that Paul recommended eschewing marriage unless a person burned. You know that.

    This calling on marriage as a spiritual requirement is not part of scripture.

    Marriage has always been a good thing for society, for the wife and for the children.

    In order for a man to take on those burdens, they used his hedonism as the lure and always have which is why all those restrictions on sexuality and the shame in the past on being single and the social stigma on adultery and fornication.

    Men were never drawn to it for any other reason.

    So explain to me what the draw is for marriage.

    If its a spiritual life then a man is better off remaining single and devoting himself in a monastic way. So that argument for marriage is out.

    So that leaves everything else, and as you have pointed out on an individual level men don't need it.

    Children? You can need up on a woman's whim without them. The children are hers legally.

    Economic? Women always consume more than they produce.

    Hedonistic? again better single.

    It doesn't matter what level you look at it, men are better off with out it. Spiritual, material economic, hedonistic. What ever path you want to take marriage is a trap.

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    1. "You do not need marriage for the spiritual journey and you know that. "

      I never said marriage was necessary for the spiritual journey. I implied it was A spiritual journey. The subset is not the set. Congrats on refuting a straw man.

      Delete
    2. Please Simon, you're playing games and you can do better than that.

      You specifically held out that producing Godly children in marriage is the "primary" purpose of men and women. Not "A" spiritual journey but The most important spirit journey.

      And now you want to accuse me of making a straw man argument.

      My position, since you want to play is this:

      1) Marriage has always, always been about male hedonistic desires. It is the lure to get him the engage in it. Without it, there is nothing to draw him in. What you are noticing is there is no lure for it anymore and so decry men from eschewing it because marriage is "no longer spiritual."

      Which apparently you cannot refute or you would have addressed it head on.

      2) There are clearly better paths for pursuing a spiritual life. Paul even says as much.

      "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do." (1 Corinthians 7:7-8).

      So to your position that this is the "primary spiritual journey (you don't get to shift your language to "a" spiritual language because that is not what you said) is quite frankly nonsense.

      And again, you cannot refute that marriage today actually interferes with the spiritual journey because it does.

      3) Marriage is not a contract either. That is in fact the real problem here. We would be better off if it was a contract. A contract requires consideration from both parties.

      You have one party (women) that do not have to produce any consideration in exchange for the slavery of the man.

      It isn't a contract, it is in fact a slavery transaction. The man is being asked to willingly place himself in bondage to the woman.

      She is not required to do anything other than consent to own him.

      Come up with one thing that she is required to provide and will be made to provide in marriage as it is now.

      The old contract form of marriage was his labor in exchange he got a vested interest in the children they produced.

      Now the woman doesn't have to do anything (what you describe as hedonistic requests) can terminate the relationship at any time, gets to keep the children and can require him to continue to labor for her on pain of incarceration.

      Now we have a situation where men are being shamed for being hedonistic for not entering marriage because its supposed to be "spiritual" and that it is wrong for men to have some expectation for getting something out of marriage.

      Your argument is the one that all the churchians make every day to the hapless fools sitting in their pew and here you are making the same argument.

      There is no marriage, it doesn't exist, the spiritual component is meaningless without the contractual part of it between the parties.

      There are very real material things a person is supposed to do in exchange for God's promises for salvation.

      Are those material things unimportant? Does God expect things of us in exchange for salvation? Or is his love and gifts freely given no matter what? Is it wrong for God to expect us to hold up our end of the bargain? If not, then why is it wrong for men to expect women to fulfill their end of the supposed bargain. And if God can turn away from people, why can't men do the same to women?

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    3. "primary" =/= "sole" or "exclusive". You appear to be suffering from a severe mental hernia that precludes you from thinking logically or precisely. Quit redefining the words I use, or extending their definition beyond their common use.

      Delete
  2. There are a few pseudo-Christians religions that require their clergy to stay celibate, and I would think that is the purpose for R.A.G.'s comment.

    A.J.P.

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  3. To me, it seems that the reason people have opted is out marriage is because a wife is not what she used to be. Now, she dresses like a man, she doesn't cook or clean, and she is a big risk should the couple divorce.

    A.J.P.

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  4. Good points all around on this.

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  5. "It seems to me that the complaints about marriage stem from some frankly ridiculous assumptions about the nature of the beast. In fact, it seems as if the complaints men have about marriage are based on the assumption that the point of marriage is lots of sex with an eternally hot live-in maid. And women are the demanding ones…"

    I think you exaggerate here. You should see the dating profiles out there from women. Talk about laughable, especially the ones over 40. I'm more than willing to look appealing if my mate is as well. And I for one make no apology for wanting that from my woman on a regular basis.

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  6. "the lamentations for declining marriage rates, and the repeated proclamations that marriage just isn’t worth it is really a complaint that marriage has been utterly debased. What was once viewed as the primal spiritual covenant is now viewed as an economic contract."

    Bitch, please. Marriage for the vast majority of human individuals throughout history was basic right living and primary life milestone, never a spiritual covenant or economic contract until some years after the fact, once youthful romance and ordered living had already been achieved. (The primary model for marriage for most people was their parents and their relatives' previous marriages.) They are exactly the wrong words to use when talking about the problem.

    "A spiritual journey is a noble cause, worthy of lifelong commitment; a contract is only worth the effort if it is profitable. A Man may fight and die for love, but he will not inconvenience himself for hedonism."

    Bitch, please. A man will most certainly waste his life away chasing his most mentally inclined hedonism, and most certainly fight and die over far smaller things than honor, often if a girl instigates it.

    You are losing relevance because you're using the wrong words, and thus no one can really read or understand you. Here's the only words you need to learn:

    "Bitch, please."

    It is directed toward the female of the species, because it is her actions that have the greatest impact on social structures. It uses no easily-loaded words that only men really get like 'spiritual,' 'honor', 'cause', or 'commitment'. It's merely a set of words that when said in the proper tone, by all relevent men and women in a young girl's life, that prevent her most effectively from following the passions of the day to destruction.

    These words likely shock and annoy you, and thus you will probably refuse to use them to good effect when women talk disloyalty, dishonor, or disrespect. Thus you will stab your fellow men in the back when you could have saved them, and then wonder why they don't listen to you.

    So repent already.

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  7. I think the format of this is telling. The author doesn't say "Here's four really good reasons men should get married."

    He attempts to make a strawman (that men not interested in marriage are hedonistic and shallow) and then bash it down.

    Let's be realistic. You can't sell marriage anymore, because the current system of marriage is horrible for men vs living together.

    If a woman is worth her word, she will stick with you based on her word alone. A marriage certificate takes away incentive to please you and stick with you. It offers men nothing but added liability and a weak position.

    Sell us marriage. C'mon. I dare you, try to sell us on how getting married is better for men than cohabitating. You can't really bring Scripture into it because legal marriage today has nothing in common with marriage in the bible.

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  8. The repeal of coverture advent of of no fault divorce , VAWA, denigration of men and declining quality of women and families broken via wicked women and family court are all contributing factors to the decline of marriage. These are more heavier incentives then hedonism.

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