15 November 2011

Marriage and Mergers

Haley has a good post on the waiting game young (nominally) Christian women play in regards to marriage:

Also, I think the other, not-really-acknowledged part of it is that for all the admonishments for young, Christian women to look forward to the day God brings them to the special man God has picked out Just For Them, a lot of young, Christian women just don’t possess the suite of wifely skills that would increase their marital prospects.  Sure, there are hyper-organized young women whose idea of heaven is The Container Store, but there are just as many, if not more, slobby girls out there whose rooms look like hurricanes blew through them.  A lot of girls don’t know the basics of cooking.  A lot of girls don’t clean…much.  They don’t iron, they don’t decorate, they don’t know how to look for bargains or budget, they don’t know how to dress themselves with both dignity and style.  Some of these skills come with time and experience, but a lot of girls can only offer their youth and their love for Jesus.  That’s just not enough when it comes to marriage, but so much churchly advice does these girls wrong by teaching them that Mr. Right will be identifiable by his love for her good heart alone and that he will arrive in God’s Perfect Timing.  So just keep on being frumpy and praying, because God can see your beautiful heart even if those sin-blinded men out there who are probably addicted to porn and as a result can’t see your true beauty can’t.  Is this really the best way to offer hope to unmarried women?

Perhaps I’ve been taking too many business classes recently, but I’m starting to view marriage as a type of business merger.  In the business world, for a merger* to occur, both companies must bring something of value to the table.  The idea is that both sides have complementary strengths that will cover the other’s weaknesses.  Marriage seems to be the same way.

In marriage, two people voluntarily come together.  Each person has a certain set of strengths and abilities, hopefully complementary.  One thing I’ve noticed, and Haley also attests to, is that a lot of women, even Christian women, don’t really have that much to offer.  In essence, they bring nothing to the table in their proposed merger.

From my personal experience, the vast majority of girls I dated had few, if any, homemaking skills.  Few of them knew how to cook, none of them knew how to sew anything, most were unable or unwilling to decorate, some didn’t know how to do laundry or iron clothes, and most had problems balancing a checkbook.  None of them knew how to dress like women, either.  (What, exactly, is so hard about wearing a skirt, sandals, and distinctly feminine tee?  Is dressing this way really so difficult?)

Furthermore, few of the girls I dated were capable of providing interesting conversation.  Part of this stems from my interest in topics that are decidedly outside of the mainstream, but part of this stems from the fact that a lot of young girls have a rather unhealthy fixation on celebrity gossip and Twilight.  I do not understand the appeal of either.  In regards to the former, most of the stories just start to run together (there are two main stories: hot woman dumps alpha for greater alpha, and, greater alpha dumps hot woman for younger, hotter woman).  In regards to the latter, I understand why women like romance novels; what I don’t understand is why they like poorly-written ones, or why said poorly written romance novel is so popular.  Thus, my experience with girls suggests that few have anything to offer prospective husbands.

Complicating this matter is the fact that girls generally look to marry up. This mean that most of the things they perceive assets are actually quite worthless.  For example, no girl is going to want to marry a jobless guy.  Seeking out only guys with jobs, then, is going to take their own gainful employment off the table (i.e. if I’m a gainfully employed male, then what do I need a gainfully employed wife for?  If I have a college degree, then what do I care if some girl has one as well?  They aren’t offering me something I don’t already have).  So, for women, their market power is going to be dependent on being able to something the man they desire can’t.  Or, stated inversely, any girl who is just like the guys is going to find out that she will be viewed as redundant in terms of marriage.

The current marriage conundrum, then, illustrates the wisdom of the traditional gender roles.  Because each gender generally specialized in certain roles, skills, and activities, each gender had plenty to offer the other, making marriage an attractive offer to both parties.  Indeed, marriage was a merger that made a lot of sense.

But feminism went and ruined this.  By encouraging women to be more like men, feminists stripped women of their marriage market value.  Women no longer have anything to offer men, because everything they have is exactly what men have.  And, unless a man wants to double what he already has, women have nothing of value, and therefore have no bargaining power.

So, the question I now ask every girl I date is:  what, besides your looks, do you bring to the table?  Sadly, the answer of late has often been “nothing.”  And that’s why they’ll never get married.

* Note:  “merger” is not synonymous with “merger and acquisition,” nor does it refer to a hostile takeover of any sort.


  1. But Simon,

    They all do blow jobs and most do anal. It always amazes me just how knowledgeable girls are with regard to the ways of the flesh and clueless with regard to the other factors of life. Besides their sexuality, they really don't bring anything else to the table.

    The thing is, if you become a committed Christian, where pre-marital sex is definitely off the table, then most women have nothing to offer.

    When I became serious about my religion, I found that paradoxically, even though I was as horny as the other guy, most women were off putting. When you got to know them, they were the type of women you wished you didn't know. This, I think, is one of the great benefits of chastity till marriage, namely that its a de-facto way of stripping away the powerful allure of female sexuality before the commitment of marriage is made. Too many men marry the hot chick, and hotness is not enough.

    The girls gotta be hot and have character. Now that's a hard girl to find.

  2. @SP- I think it's easy to follow base desires (cf. the repeated injunctions against it), so being good at that isn't really that much of an accomplishment. I mean, given the desires of the flesh, it almost seems weird to be bad at following through on them. And if that's all one can bring to the table, then perhaps that's also indicative of a sort of laziness.

    As for a hot girl with character, that is indeed hard to find. I'm beginning to think that she may have gone extinct.

  3. so being good at that isn't really that much of an accomplishment.


    As for a hot girl with character, that is indeed hard to find.

    Believe it or not they are out there. But they are hard to find.

  4. "But they are hard to find."

    I'm not going to stop looking. But it is discouraging sometimes.

    By the way, your most recent post was quite excellent.